Just One Year

One year ago today we found out we were going to have a baby.  A few weeks later we learned it was two!  I've been thinking back to what I felt like this time last year.  After eleven months of trying, and switching doctors a few times I was just about ready to give up.  Thank God, thank God for guiding me and keeping me going through all of the the anxiety, fear, hope and tears.

When you are ready to have a baby, I can't begin to tell you how extremely painful it is to take test after test each month willing that second blue line to appear, just to be disappointed again. After quite a few months with no results I decided I wanted to get some help.  For insurance reasons we had to switch doctors and wait several months until I finally saw my beloved doctor that delivered our babies.  She, being cautiously wise, referred us to a specialist for some testing.  In July of last year we saw the fertility specialist who prescribed a medication to help things along.  I had friends who had conceived using this medication, yet I was still afraid to have much hope.  We used the medication for just one month and when I took the test on a sunny Friday morning, there was my second blue line as clear as day.  I was overjoyed but cautious, not wanting to get too excited too early. We had a week or two of blood work, and a few weeks later an ultrasound where we saw the two strong heartbeats of our little boy and girl.  It was amazing.  (My favorite part of the experience was Todd's little half laugh, half cry when the doctor said he saw two.)

I know there are other women and other couples who go through years and years of tests and interventions to get pregnant.  I know that what we went through was nothing in comparison.  But it was hard for me all the same.  It tested me, and during that time I really learned how to pray.  I begged, I bargained, I promised, I apologized, but in the end I realized that what I should be asking of God was simply for his love and strength to help me through.  

Now, one year later, I'm writing this as my sweet babes are napping.  Although being a mother of twins is the hardest thing I have ever done, I really do love it (and them!).  The lack of sleep, the loss of independence, the mental exhaustion are all things that I remember considering and thinking how I would gladly trade the challenge of trying to get pregnant with the challenge of motherhood.  And while its been a bit of an adjustment, and I get frustrated and cry sometimes, I honestly feel so incredibly fortunate to get to experience all of these challenges along with all of the joy that comes from being the mother of my silly Jude and my sweet Ivy. 

(I have talked to several women throughout the past year or so who also struggle with infertility. It is really really nice to connect with women who are having the same issues.  In case anyone in the Portland/Vancouver area is looking for some help, I would highly recommend my ob/gyn Dr. Slayton-Milam at Cascadia Women's Clinic,  and fertility specialist Dr. Stoelk at Northwest Fertility Center. )